The Trouble with Grandparents

By | August 15, 2011

Before I start, I realise this post will probably sound very ungrateful and I don’t want that.  I am so so grateful for all the help we receive.

So, my parents have C when I work, 3 days a week.  Generally this all works out fine, we have the odd disagreement about my dad feeding C sweets but mostly all is good.

The thing that’s bothering me, and has been for quite a while, is my parents assuming they can dictate when we can have another baby.  They are adamant that they won’t be able to look after 2 children so we *must* wait until C is in full time school before even considering having another.  This just isn’t going to happen as I’d much prefer an age gap of less than 6 years.

In reality, we’re thinking of trying for another early next year.  If things happened quickly, C would be around 3.5 when baby #2 was born and in nursery 5 mornings a week.  Add to this my 9 months of maternity leave and it would leave a maximum of a year where I’d need to work before C started school full-time.

I actually think when it came down to it that my parents would have baby #2 for those 3 days a week that I work and still be able to have C 3 afternoons but I don’t want to take that for granted so we’re trying to come up with another plan which would probably be a combination of C and baby #2 going to the local preschool, which C is already at for one morning a week at the moment.

Whatever happens we’d make something work.  Things usually appear more complicated than they actually are!  I’m just annoyed that my parents are putting us in this situation.  I now feel that if we do get pregnant I’m somehow ‘disobeying’ them, which makes me feel guilty just thinking about it.

M and I both really want another baby in the next year or so but I feel like there is a cloud hanging over us which will overshadow all the good things.  My parents feelings about it won’t stop us going for #2 but I really wish they weren’t so negative about it.

Of course, my real plan is to win the lottery so childcare isn’t even an issue.  Wish me luck.



Nicola Seary on August 15, 2011 at 8:54 pm.

Hi.I have mixed feeling about your situation.I am a stay at home mum of 5. We have found that me being at home with our children is the best option until the youngest (7 months old) is either at Pre-school 15 hours a week or at school. We do not have parents willing to help out with childcare-My husband and I haven’t had a night out for 2 years. This is our choice due to having a large family. When you have your next child is your own choice but if you are going to rely on your parents to help out with childcare I feel you should be honest with them from the start. They might not be happy about it but it will give them and you the option to find alternative childcare. When my 2 eldest children were of pre-school age I used a childminder and a private nursery. I have since had a negative childcare experience which is why I am now a stay at home mum. My ideal situation would be to be able to work from home.Money is tight these days but my children are happy which makes me happy.
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Emma on August 17, 2011 at 11:35 am.

Thanks for your comment. I do agree with you. When the subject has come up I’ve always said to them that I don’t want a 6 yr + age gap but I don’t know whether my parents think I’m joking or are simply choosing to ignore me. Any comments are simply met with ‘well we can’t look after 2’.

I’m not relying on them to have 2, if they won’t then I’m happy to use childcare. Obviously I’m grateful for them looking after our daughter and this is preferred to the nursery/childminder situation.

I think the point of the post was just to have a rant about the fact that they think they have the final decision about this.

As I said in the post, I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end!